This is my kind of romance after marriage

My hubby hates shopping with all his heart. Before we married, I used to frequent malls with my dad and mom (sometimes friends too) for relaxation. Though we never over-spent but loved the window-shopping that was much more relaxing than real shopping. We just enjoyed being together as a family and eating our lunch in mall restaurants or food stalls as we meandered around. Hubby couldn’t understand my thought process in the least.

But my first few shopping trips after marriage were disastrous-- as he hated the endless rounds to shops and me trying to understand the latest collections. After 2.5 years of being married something changed in him. He knew that “mall crawling” was an enjoyable pastime for me, so he began to check with me whether I wanted to go to the mall to look around. Now that was sweet, as given a choice hubby would rather sleep in than spend half a day trudging behind me and helping me choose outfits. Just recently, he even topped off our "mall time" with a visit to my favourite ice cream store. Perfect.

When we’re romancing our better halves, we have to do what they think is fun and what they think is romantic. That shows we know them and care for them. A woman going through marriage without romance feels like a man who goes through life without sex. Much of the color of life disappears, and everything turns gray. (literally)

Now, if I was to romance my hubby, visiting a mall wouldn’t cut the deal sweet for him but sitting down on evenings on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and tuning in to CNBC and listen to market analysts would be his thing. It’s restful and it’s romantic. You’re sharing the moment, sharing laughter, and sharing conversation. You’re relating to each other, and that builds intimacy. This is evolution in romance after marriage.

It’s also romantic when you do things for her/him that they hate. Speaking for myself, I hate scrubbing dirty dishes on days when maid goes off. Hubby knows this and has started to step in to wash vessels or when there's no time to wash the sink full of dishes, he promptly dials the nearby meal delivery service. Why is doing a little act for your wife that she herself hates considered romantic? Because it proves to her that you know her likes and dislikes and will do chores that will put a smile to her face. Or at least I have convinced myself that it does.

Sometimes I don’t want to do the mundane things like grocery shopping alone. It’s not one of hubby's favorite things either. But he goes with me if I ask, and he makes it fun just because we’re together. Sometimes I hate sitting home on weekends, but hubby wants nothing more than sleeping and lazing around. So, I comply. believe me its better than tagging a grumpy husband to a party or a restaurant.

Do you sense the romance here? We do.

Is old not gold...in movie-dom?

FireShot capture , originally uploaded by priyankarocks.

Triggered by an article in Bombay Times, that talks about eroding shelf lives of our Bollywood heroines, I wondered aloud to my husband:

"You see even the glamorous and supposedly upwardly progressive film industry has such deep rooted prejudices for younger looking 'unmarried' women. A nearly 50-year-old actor can romance a 20-something college girl but a married Madhuri Dixit is promptly rejected by audiences and industry despite her much graceful dance sequences in Aaja Nach Le."

His response: "Women get older and look older on screen, maybe that's why they phase out faster."

My retort: "What! And you think a balding Sanjay Dutt and irregular bulging of Salman Khan's body parts make for a lustful viewing on 70 mm?"

His response: "No, they don't look young but they do carry off the characters. Women, on other hand, cannot hold off the glamorous cliches that are a norm of every mass-bollywood-drama once they opt for domesticated lifestyle or once beyond a certain age. Case in point, Sushmita Sen. No one wants to see her sizzle on screen or Rani Mukherjee for that matter. They were so bad in earlier movies when they tried to pass off as young-somethings with tight clothes and bad wigs."

My answer (was waiting for him to finish, so that I could launch my tirade):
"This is so typical of males to write off women once they step over the 30-mark. I mean, how can you guys say that Karisma Kapoor (despite being married and post one kid) is not sexy. Have you seen her in a sari on those inane TV shows that she was judging? She's definitely hotter than a balding and pot-bellied Sanjay Dutt in Blue
in his scuba diving gear."

I know I made a valid point, as husband nodded in approval, but he wasn't giving up just yet.

His cool reply: "Right. But the point is Bollywood babes are Indian afterall who undergo a 360 degree transformation once married with a few exceptions like Malaika who continue to shed clothes to tantalise the starved indians. Other married women shirk away from shedding both, weight and clothes. Swiftly, newer faces like Deepika, Kareena or Priyanka Chopra fill replacing Rani, Kajol, Sushmita, Lara or Bipasha. Women eat into each others share, practically. Men stop trying and shrinking their ganji's after one flop, eg that Bhagnani chap, Harman Baweja, Neil Mukesh etc. "


(Underlined meaning: Male actors know that they can try in time as they wouldn't be deemed 'old' by directors and producers)

I was fuming by now. "You mean to say in attempt to get noticed actresses start shedding clothes in this industry. And when they can shed no more, they are replaced?"

He promptly brings in Demi Moore, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Angelina Jolie etc etc who have repeatedly gone nude in magazines to draw attention to themselves despite bearing several rounds of kids and changing several partners.

"You are just like any other male out there. Biased and completely opinionated on why younger women are needed to fuel Bollywood's business." I shouted before hailing a cab to reach my office.

As you see clearly that I could not really conclude the issue with husband still holding on to his idea of male vs female shelf life in Bollywood and me debating on how we continue to do this to our female actors.

But really is movie industry just about skin show-off in movies? Is that why great actors like Shabana Azmi, Sharmila Tagore (and many others) chose to stand out from the filmi-crowd by doing films of a different kind? Are we (including myself) so delusional about male and female beauty on screen?

I am still thinking...

Half here, half there

Ever wondered how we women, who call themselves modern sometimes think/act in ways that can only be classified as those of the older generation.

I think I am one of those -- who has one leg in the modern world and the other stuck firmly in traditions that are practiced by the older generation. I conveniently switch between the two worlds as and when it suits me, without realizing that I am being irrational and probably unfair to certain people around me.

The latest incident that brought me face to face with this situation was when I was visiting my in-laws and had to go to a local bazaar for some small shopping. Now, I consider myself as an independent working woman who knows how to make way in the big bad corporate world. So, why does it so happen that when I am in a crowded marketplace, I expect my husband to stay close to me so that he protects me from street creeps! I also expect him to watch out for me while we traverse the crowded lanes and not walk jauntily ahead of me. Why does that happen? I don't have an easy answer to that.

If I am independent woman (who has lived on her own in hostel for over 4 years), then why my husband has to keep a protective eye on me? How come I expect him to do that? The only answer that stares back at me is that I do think like my mother who expects (and gets) this attention from my father. And me and my mom are two different people with diverse sets of ambitions.

In another instance, I realized that after marriage I have begin to expect things from my partner, which were earlier easily done on my own. Like I always had a blast going shopping with my friends (window shopping, street side shopping and basically any type of shopping) but today, I just have to drag my lazy husband on these rounds. And as I write this post, I see that it has been such a futile exercise. Because, even if he tags along, his listless attitude does not help me in way. Result, he gives no opinion on my buys, definitely does not pick up my shopping bills (thankfully, here I don't expect him to pay) and is always scratching his head listlessly (another habit that irks me to no end). So, what good does it do to me to drag him along?

I try to think hard when did I change and exactly when did I get stuck in such old-fashioned thoughts of my husband being my protector in crowded lanes?

When you turn into a weekend chef

Let me begin by confessing that I like to cook and I am not a staunch feminist who looks down upon housework or kitchen queens. I merely don't don the chef's hat often enough because I'm a working woman with fluctuating work hours. Hence, I have happily chosen the faster cooking methods like buying chapatis from the canteen in office, instead of toiling with the dough at home and keep a steady supply of ready-to-eat gravies/curries, and eggs of course which come really handy in dishing up a complete meal.

Mind you, I do love my dal chawal, rajmah, kadhi, aloo tarkari, koftas, palak paneer and cook it regularly (even on workdays) to tickle both my husband's and my taste buds. It's not always a short-cut for me.

PS: I don't have a servant to do the cooking because I prefer to eat a fresh hot meal. And plus, I like cooking, as mentioned above.

Coming back to the present, weekends just like every professional human being are much-awaited days for me. Pardon me, but I lust after a leisurely Saturday morning or an equally lazy Sunday morning so that I can sip my masala tea, have a late brunch and watch some inane tele-serials. Weekends are meant to lounge around in your shorts and uncombed hair, and have chips & Pepsi or Maggi or whatever you wish for that matter.

But if you have in-laws (or for that matter any elderly relative) over (and if they aren't used to your lifestyle) then everything has to be underplayed. Saturdays turn into days when elderly guests expect you to be out of bed and get in the kitchen. And then begins the day-long cycle of tea, breakfast, brunch, lunch, evening snacks, tea, cold drinks in between, and then dinner. Not to mention, a sweet savory to complete the day's routine. All this while, there is an additional task of making sure that the grocery and vegetable stocks are maintained to battle out another grueling day and that's Sunday.

It barely matters if you are a post-graduate or even more qualified woman. You are the mistress of the house and you are expected to be in-charge of the kitchen.

Sunday's are another nightmare. While you are battling your hiccups about a working Monday, your guests at home are wondering what new cuisine they will get to sample from your kitchen. And mind you, there's not much of a choice that you get when guests innocently ask you, "We heard that you can cook some really nice Indian fusion." You have to click your heels and get back to kitchen and think what fusion you can come up with on an erstwhile lazy Sunday.

How I wish I had married a chef instead of an investment banker, at least he could have been of some help in cutting and chopping piles of onion, garlic and tomatoes.

As I have confessed right in the beginning that I am a lazy bum on weekends, thus I find the 'mentioned routine' very tough to embrace. I admire the homemakers who do these tasks efficiently. I am really not beguiled by the charms of spending my weekends in kitchen, sweating away.

Parents-by-law

I have lived exactly 6 days and 5 nights with my parents in-laws in their home in Bulandshehar (somewhere in UP). And they have lived for 14 days and 13 nights at my home in Mumbai.

Their forthcoming visit (starting June 9)will be my third (post marriage) meeting with them. Quite predictably, I'm jittery and nervous and to add to my woes, I am being constantly reminded that it's my 'inspection time.' (courtesy friends and everyone around me) Worse, I followed an advert link on my Google homepage that led me to this.

"Partners will have expectations of continued involvement with each of his family member, which can result in you (that's me) having to develop cordial relationships with his mother, father, and siblings – regardless of your feelings about them. In addition, these people have all had a relationship with shared memories -- good and bad -- that are not part of your relationship. This alone can trigger uncomfortable feelings for someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), as BPs may have a great deal of difficulty knowing how to relate to these seemingly random people."

This piece of information led me to think and reason about my increased sensitivity to rejection, which also make me think that my in-laws could be unhappy with me or even reject. So, what does that mean? Am I the one with BPD...when did that happen? Did my marriage turn me into a BPD?

A deep breath. The post is to highlight how anxious an average married woman feels when her in-laws come visiting. And it has nothing to do with arranged or love marriage. In my case, (as my husband lists) it is about whether they will approve of my domain --my home.
"It is the anxiety and much-created hype around the relationship that takes its toll," explains my husband.

To an extent he is correct. He estimated my mental state, after he saw the groceries that I had bought, in anticipation of my in-laws' arrival. My kitchen now has extra dinner sets, an array of ready-made meals (in case the food is burnt or too salted or too oily) along with a more-than-sufficient ration of pulses and best Basmati rice.

My own explanation to this "in-law phobia" is probably the difference in upbringing (between me and my husband's). I know that every family has its own values, traditions and routines. Everything, from the way children should be brought up to how housework should be done, is deeply ingrained in a unique family blueprint. And as far as I see, my in-laws' blueprint is very different from mine. This predictable strikes off a set of differences of opinion and problems.

I know, from my mother-in-law's last visit, that she does not expect me to return home from a hectic work day to slave off in kitchen. She in fact, keeps a hot meal ready by the time I reach home, a luxury for any working woman. My father-in-law, who loves his morning walks, loves to go out with me for a peaceful walk. I am not expected to prance around in sarees, although I know they would ideally like to see me in a traditional Indian outfit once in a while. They like my cooking and say it too. We have never had a disagreement among ourselves.

I do feel that my mother-in-law does have a softer corner for my husband (over me), but can I really blame her for that? Doesn't my mother display a more than affectionate side when she comes visiting me? And, if all the above are true, then why do I still feel anxious?

Reasons that annoy & reasons that overpower annoyance

When I was little, Saturdays meant two things - eating Maggi noodles and going with Dad to drive about the town in his car. Today, Saturday's are about lazy mornings, followed by work (yes, we journalists work on Saturdays too) and then pray for a miraculous party/dinner plan to emerge from husband's mouth.

Ever since Indian Premier League started (and now they have finally ended), neither the party nor the dinner has happened. This leaves behind a very upset wife (that's me). As an exercise to cool my head off, I am listing out 7 things that annoy me the most in my husband and 7 things that make me forget those annoying characteristics of his.

What Annoys me the most

1. NO amount of explanation can convince my man that it’s not a good idea to leave leftovers from dinner or dirty dishes on the kitchen counter for hours. It only attracts more ants and cockroaches, if you haven't knocked a few glasses or plates off our really compact kitchen counter already. This way, in addition to making dinner after work everyday, I am cleaning it up, too.

2. He leaves the bathroom floor WET (despite telling him at least 999 times to mop it away). Result, either I end up doing the same (on my defense, the bathroom does not dry up and becomes very slippery)

3. He see's clean laundry on the bed or on bedside table, ready to be folded or stowed away for ironing. But no, he will prefer to turn a blind eye and walk out without touching the laundry. At times, he even gets in the bed, pulls the covers over his head and act like a baby who does not know that the laundry is in a pile on the bed.

4. Vegetables and boiled veggies are not bad. I can’t force him to eat them, but there’s no reason to make gagging sounds when I do.

5. He will NEVER use the garbage bag in the trash, opting instead to throw the garbage right into the can and then never offering to clean the messy garbage bin.

6. The man assumes that television is ONLY his legal tool to unwind after work, where the lone sofa turns into his throne.

7. Most of all, he never never never pay the utility bills on time. Result, either the connection/subscription is discontinued or we pay a fine (not to mention the bear the inconvenience).

Okay, to be honest, I am actually feeling much better as I list these out. And now it's turn for the happy part. 7 reasons why let him annoy me so much...


1. He comes with me to the grocery store (whenever I manage to convince him)and patiently trails along with the shopping cart. And even pays for the same, most of the times.

2. He has taught me (an extremely talkative person) how to talk without speaking.

3. He can genuinely leave me alone, when I need it the most.

4. Mr Muscles can be a rock when it comes to dealing with patience.

5. Does not force me to do anything that I am reluctant to do in first place, which includes being a docile and timid creature for his side of the family.

6. If I do a bad job at writing an article (my work) then he very honestly points it out to me. There's no sweetening of communication!

7. Stops snoring (or at least for some time) when I call out his name.

The right kind of wrong

"For you every occasion is special," huffed my husband. He almost knocked down his laptop bag, while opening the door for me. (My hands were full with bags!)

On my defense, I haven't been shopping for months now so it just happened out of pent up hunger. And yes, like a million other women out there I love SHOPPING - be it window shopping or road-side shopping or luxury buying or simply checking out what's new in stores. I love all of it.

Cut back to the 'occasion' he was referring to. I had a few friends visiting over the weekend and I really wanted to shape up the house and a little bit of my wardrobe ahead of the weekend. We haven't really added big chunks of furniture in our Mumbai flat as it is a rented out space and we (both of us) didn't feel like spending money on it. But with friends visiting, I thought it would be nice to add a few basics to the room, like cushions, some candles and a rosewood side-table perhaps. Along with the house, I also wanted to upgrade a bit of my wardrobe too and throw in some new summer accessories.

In the end, I bought a couple of red & orange cushions, aromatic candles, some indulgent make-up things from Bobbi Brown store, a nice pair of Armani sunglasses (it's summers you see) and 2 bottles of Rose wine (to help me in cooling off the angry & buzzing hubby). But the ruckus that my husband stirred was as if I had emptied my bank account.

My passion for shopping began quite late actually. I was a 20-something gal, into my first job even as I studied for my graduation in computers, when I first headed out to buy something 'nice' to wear for an official get-together. It was one simple and smooth process for me.

I marched to a luxury boutique at Pune's MG Road (I studied in Pune), my pockets bulging with cash, and pacing back and forth in front of an array of shop windows for a "very long time" before plunging inside one of them. For a simple black Chanel dress, I counted out a stack of notes worth Rs 6999. And after this extravagant purchase, for months after I hardly dared use the dress for fear I'd wear it out.

Eventually, I got around to shopping with a sense of cool authority that I am secretly proud of. I zero down on the product I need to buy and swoop it up from the store (provided they have the right size, shape, colour and style) as quickly as it can be done.

Now, I can only imagine how fast my husband's hair would turn a shade grey if I go on a luxury shopping spree in these times. When my monthly shopping spree can make my hubby give me his best condescending look (Mind you, I spend my money, not his nor his credit cards), I can only laugh at the sight he would be if he ever comes to know that I blew off Rs 8000 a month back on a Tommy Hilfiger handbag and belt. It was on 'sale', you see.

I am not strictly a spendaholic. For instance, last weekend, I wanted to check out a new high-end restaurant in Mumbai's suburbs but he wanted to stick it out at a less expensive, clubbier spot. We ended up taking a McDonald's meal home! I didn't give a black eye to my hubby over McDo's meal.

But sometimes a little indulgence (on the sly) is okay. Isn't it?

I never thanked my mom!

It takes me less than 10 seconds to go from zero (absolute normal self) to boiling point level. And usually it happens to me over the most lame topics one can imagine. Like the one I am about to blog about. But it did manage to jolt me up.

Two days back, I bought a dozen Alphonso mangoes (along with week's grocery) on my way back from office. Now, mangoes are not my passion food nor am I a foodie. It was just a little more work that I did that day - a box of mangoes, which were "the season's best" as assured by the shopkeeper. So I felt very good about getting those mangoes at Rs 180 (for 12 pieces).

Back home, I even skipped dinner to dig my teeth into "season's best" mangoes. The conflict began when my husband brushed those off as "just another variety of mangoes." Worse, he continued, "You should have waited for another 10 days, the prices would have been cheaper and quality would have better."
This last one really got me going.

I am the one who went out to buy the mundane groceries and drag all of that back home in anticipation that hubby dear would appreciate the pain. But he brushed it off as 'no big deal!' WOW. The mangoes didn't really leave a great taste, as you'd have figured until now.

But on the hindsight, I came face-to-face to a new fact. You don't realise this, but it happens to most of us. We somewhere along the line begin to emulate our mothers (in case of married women, that is) and aunties, whom we looked upon as ones from past generation with regressive ideas.

I remember how my mom who always cribbed about her never-ending chores around the house and getting no appreciation in return (she has been a proud home-maker all her life) used to irk us (me and my elder sister) so much when we were kids. My mom did all shopping, grocery, budget management, and a endless list of stuff. My father, like million other Indian father, was never really involved in the realms of running the household. In a way it was never expected of him too. He was the male member in an Indian household who was applauded and lathered with affection for every single rupee earned, every vacation that he arranged for us, every long drive in a shiny Maruti 800 he gave us & mom, every birthday party he asked mom to arrange for his daughters, and every restaurant he took us to.

Mom, silently, cooked the lavish birthday party buffets, managed the picnic baskets on the long drive, packed those thoughtful paper napkins and cups for every single train vacation, and efficiently spent the monthly budgets on knick-knacks to dress up her daughters to restaurants. We never even gave those actions a second thought!

Today, if my 'extra work' of grocery and shopping for my home doesn't get me the required attention and appreciation, I flare up! I can only call up my mom now and tell her subtly that I have learnt everything about running a house from her including balancing professional and personal commitments.

She's the hero we never thanked. WOW!

To be social...or not

Off late, I have noticed that single women (and I mean, mostly women) expect a married women to behave in a certain way. For instance, I have a sweet little (she’s a young thing at work) friend cum colleague, who jumps to my defence every time she finds any male counterpart even remotely flirting or indicating something akin.

“You know na…her hubby will come and bash you,” she said rising to my defence and making her point to the men around. As if the i-banker hubby (roll my eyes) would draw on his superman’s cape to save his beloved! (snigger)

Now, I know her intentions are pretty sweet, and I am flattered but then this also makes me think if married women are to be sanctified in a certain role. Its like – now that you have a partner back home, your life (read focus, concentration and of course all affection whatsoever) is assumed to be around the same. Noticeably, this trend has been more visible on my female friends than male.

So, is move to wedded bliss looked as a sweep to brush unwed friends under the rug? I think that’s both hilarious and preposterous. Within a year and 3 months of my marriage, I have become more social and more reachable for my friends (read single friends), leading me to the conclusion that marriage does not reduce a couple's ties to the larger community but actually helps in increasing it.

As married couple we have been socializing more often (than ever before in our respective pasts). The reason, speaking for me that is, once married I have become much more secure about my feelings and trust. This in turn clears your head and makes you more sociable. The fact that I and my hubby HAPPILY attend parties and similar social gatherings alone with our own set of friends (as there’s no point dragging spouses along when they probably won’t fit in the gathering) makes others wonder if we have gone mad already, or even bored perhaps.

You make me feel...

How often do you hear yourself saying this to your husband or even a boy friend, “You make me feel . . .” and the end of the sentence depends on the feeling of the day, the hour, or the minute!

You make me feel like a million dollars.

You make me feel worthless.

You make me feel beautiful and sexy. (Though this one happens rarely)

You make me so angry! ... So happy! ... So sad! ... So mad! ... So bad! ...So glad!

You make me feel like I don’t do anything all day long.

I think of myself as an intuitive person who’s perceptions->emotion->thought process is very quick and hard to pin down. It's very alien for me to actually think purposely about things. Whereas my husband is a slow processor, thinking things through methodically over a long period of time. Needless to say that can create some difficulties.

But I am learning the hard way. I realise that I need to separate my feelings from my husband. Instead of saying, “You make me feel…” I say, “I feel…” I have come to believe that it is okay to feel lonely, afraid, or hurt, but you have to own those feelings as your own without blaming them on others.

We Indians are emotional fools and that's perhaps why we need to strike that invisible balance enough togetherness to survive and enough separateness to thrive.

Hon, is everything okay?

"He doesn't get you roses...Oh ma God...Honey, is everything okay?" cooed one of my friends, on discovering that my husband does nothing which can be even remotely labeled as romantic.

To be fair, she was one of those varieties whose boyfriends had wooed her with flowers and chocolates and now husband dear was kept busy trying to find innovative ways to surprise and delight her. I won't really blame her for thinking that I had prematurely turned into a old hag after marriage. This babe, having spent an exhilarating week shopping at the Dubai Shopping festival, was back in India only to plan out her summer getaway with her pilot hubby, who was flying to destinations across Europe on work.

I made the mistake of wondering aloud, "Really, why would he get me roses...we don't even have an appropriate vase or a table to keep it back home." See, in when you are living in a rented flat in Mumbai, there's little that you feel like to buy for the house as your lease will soon expire and the landlord in all probability will throw you out with your furniture and vases too.

This really got my friend going. "Oh no...You have become such a hard cookie, hon! What's wrong with you?" She asked, looking absolutely aghast. She went on to pity me so much that I started to worry, if I had really missed out on something in my year-old marriage.

But really, on hind sight, why will I want my husband to bring me long stemmed roses or chocolates? I am always on a superficial diet, so I will feign my disinterest towards calorified-chocs and roses...well, to be honest, they will look nice in the house but I really am not a person who appreciates such subtleties. So, why is my husband wrong?

According to my globetrotter friend, he's doing NOTHING to make me happy and multiply any romance in our relationship. The latter part was spat out practically in disgust, as she realized how naive I have been to secrets of marriage-hood.

For records, I am not deriding romance. I am not saying that people should not do little things for each other like fluffing a pillow, perhaps. I am merely saying that me and my i-banker hubby are not doing 'nice things' for each other and yet we are happy. Well, most of the times.

I had to beg him to get me flowers and practically directed him to get me my a birthday gift, quite aware of the fact that he did it because he wanted to avoid a scene. On his birthday, I wanted to throw a party but he insisted that a take-out tandoori chicken would suffice instead.

On our first holi, the most romanticised hindu festival, we both slept peacefully completely enjoying the mid-week holiday. On our first anniversary, we managed to go to a nice secluded beach & topped the vacation with a cosy cottage, but that too was accomplished since we managed to hire the cottage at Rs 700 per head (all meals included) and according to the i-banker husband, "It was a great value-for-money deal."

So, sorry if I am not rooting for a romantic life but I do believe marriage is about realising and being happy with the real & everyday side of your partner and not change him/her to suit your lifestyle.

You don't look like that...

I had an arranged marriage and am proud say that it’s not ‘uncool’. I often hear my friends or people who know me remarking that I don't look the types to get into an arranged marriage.

Just other day, an old college friend who bumped into my Facebook profile sent a private message wondering aloud how and why did I opt for an arranged marriage. She wrote and I am quoting her verbatim: "Are you serious? ... you got yourself a boy who carried a stamped approval from your parents.....you didn't seem to be the types to give in so easily. Is all well?"

I almost sensed her accusation through this note.

Now, I wonder if that was really the impression I sent out to my friends. I wasn't the arranged marriage types! (Huh!) And why is that as youngsters we do not want to be caught dead promoting the concept of parents/family approving a guy beforehand. It's not all that bad, and I can say that from my own experience.
In fact, now my husband and I are sort of marriage counselors to our young bachelor friends who are in two minds about the fundamentals of ‘arranged marriage.’

“How do you figure out in one meeting that this girl (or guy) is for me,” wondered a bachelor friend of my hubby. Looking at me, and I could almost anticipate his next line of question, “Did you see him (pointing to my husband) and something went abuzz in your mind?”

Uh...well, it was nothing similar to that, I replied. I met my i-banker hubby at a 5-star hotel’s coffee shop and had trouble even focusing on him since the live music band was so fantastic. I actually wanted to tell him to shut-up and let me listen to the classic jazz band, but of course I didn’t do anything like that.
And no, I didn’t have to answer any of the cliched questions like “my favourite hobbies” and “do I cook” as it didn’t figure on our priority lists. We instead discussed our individual careers and how we wanted to reach at our goals. The bachelor friend was surprised and probably even disappointed that we weren’t fitting the average ‘arranged marriage’ couple bill.

“Oh, so you guys didn’t really ask each other too many questions.” He rued. Now this friend was in middle of scanning matrimony proposals that his parents kept sending his way.

My single lined advice for him was – “Don’t fret so much before you meet a prospective girl. Just ask what you think you want to know about her work or her life. If you do strike a chord then you won’t have to whack your head to think of questions, conversation will flow between you guys.”
We did that, and guess it worked.

Although, I don’t have any qualms in admitting the fact that my husband is someone who thinks diametrically opposite (to me) and doesn’t really believe in pampering my whims but he's a dead practical, i-banker who explains realities to me in banking concepts. Somewhere, I have to admit that this is what I need to keep me grounded in life. But then again, I can do with a little bit of pampering and time-to-time cuddling!