Ever wondered how we women, who call themselves modern sometimes think/act in ways that can only be classified as those of the older generation.
I think I am one of those -- who has one leg in the modern world and the other stuck firmly in traditions that are practiced by the older generation. I conveniently switch between the two worlds as and when it suits me, without realizing that I am being irrational and probably unfair to certain people around me.
The latest incident that brought me face to face with this situation was when I was visiting my in-laws and had to go to a local bazaar for some small shopping. Now, I consider myself as an independent working woman who knows how to make way in the big bad corporate world. So, why does it so happen that when I am in a crowded marketplace, I expect my husband to stay close to me so that he protects me from street creeps! I also expect him to watch out for me while we traverse the crowded lanes and not walk jauntily ahead of me. Why does that happen? I don't have an easy answer to that.
If I am independent woman (who has lived on her own in hostel for over 4 years), then why my husband has to keep a protective eye on me? How come I expect him to do that? The only answer that stares back at me is that I do think like my mother who expects (and gets) this attention from my father. And me and my mom are two different people with diverse sets of ambitions.
In another instance, I realized that after marriage I have begin to expect things from my partner, which were earlier easily done on my own. Like I always had a blast going shopping with my friends (window shopping, street side shopping and basically any type of shopping) but today, I just have to drag my lazy husband on these rounds. And as I write this post, I see that it has been such a futile exercise. Because, even if he tags along, his listless attitude does not help me in way. Result, he gives no opinion on my buys, definitely does not pick up my shopping bills (thankfully, here I don't expect him to pay) and is always scratching his head listlessly (another habit that irks me to no end). So, what good does it do to me to drag him along?
I try to think hard when did I change and exactly when did I get stuck in such old-fashioned thoughts of my husband being my protector in crowded lanes?
6 comments:
its womanly human :)
yeah...but its very strange behavior nonetheless
From a Man's perspective, it is the female instinct "to be cared for". If you ask a married male, he may confess to getting used to the home cooked food or somthing similar after marriage. I guess sharing responsibility through differing roles is the beauty of companionship. This is simply a sign that your marriage is working well, and does not mean you are losing your independence or "relapsing into traditional woman mode". You are doing fine, not to worry!!
My opinion on this is that by our inherent nature, and by evolution (the way we are evolved as human beings) the males and females have picked up some different qualities/traits which has become a part of our social conditioning or may be even genes. And I really think that this evolution creates a sense of interdependency and need to co-exist.
I mean its good to be independent and self fulfilling in life, but then it also does not give us a reason to coexist/co-habitat. This sense of interdependency on a deeper level forms basic fabric of the relationship between a lady and a man.
I reached your blog through "Itchy feet" which I visited for the first time also. I love the candid way you write and I can identify with most of your posts on a one to one basis. I am a working woman in an arranged marriage.
I was in a dilemma the other day about who should pick up the grocery bag if I am the modern woman. Why do I always expect my husband to pick it? When I know that it is not very heavy then too, I feel he should volunteer to pick it, like a perfect gentleman. Are we pseudos? If he leaves it for me to pick even the lightest of them, I feel all injured and hurt.
I feel this is candid phenomena of a women in which they show their feelings. But, the point which rest here is that Women in India have basic roots (taught by elders, respect to them & culture) which makes them Indian. Without these i think our society will be broken and we will end up empty handed. Though women say they are Modern but they are not, i think by saying they end nowhere (exceptions are always there).
I have this kind of feeling in my mind since long time, but i didnt posted or told anyone, but since you have written which is great.
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