I never dated my husband. Like 90 per cent of the Indian youngsters, I (and my husband) gave in to the easy way of parents setting up a mutual meeting followed by a convenient marriage. Getting married was an easy task. It was all made to look natural (felt natural too) and everybody play-acted their parts to the hilt. I played the coy bride and my hubby played the cool groom.
Today, after 14 months of marriage I am beginning to realise that my husband is a tough nut to crack. During the courtship period, if you may allow me to call the 7 month period we had after agreeing to an arranged marriage, I had him tagged as a mild-natured i-banker who probably had his career blueprint in his mind. Well, so I believed.
It took me 10 months to come face to face to the fact that the in-house i-banker was not only mild-natured but also did not believe in talking. He wasn't really minting money and had no clue of where his career would take him economy like like.
It took me 11 months to realise that my husband was not the average storybook hero who could handle everything on his own. He was not even distantly romantic and gave explanations that were beyond my logic.
This is how he comforts me when I am feeling low about my physical self. "In economic terms, we both are depreciating assets," the i-banker in him reasons, adding more fuel to my woes, "Let me explain, you're 26 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5-7 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest so you can stay happy for another 7 years!"
After good 14 months, I have concluded that my husband is a very cut and dried human being and has his own set of quirks. But my marriage has also unlocked a few new secret for me. I now know for sure that your man doesn't have to be your best friend.
(That's why you've had a best girlfriend all along, right?)
Next, it doesn't matter if he doesn't dance.(Common interests are less important than shared values.)
In arranged marriages, you will open your eyes to what makes a guy perfect for you...and then the marriage will help you find him, date him, and keep falling in love with him forever.
13 comments:
hahah...Thanks buddy..guess I needed this dose of gyaan...Well you guessed it rght..Iam also slowly floating in the arranged marriage puzzle!!
nandita: for most of us, arranged marriage is almost like a way of life so dont worry too much. but do make sure the basics of the person match/vibe with yours. thts most imp...I am no expert but I am learning everyday from my spouse :)
Not bad, Joshi. Loved the last para. Am impressed, darling. You had a seven month courtship period, and I had less than two months after I got engaged to my banker husband.
Anyway, am very impressed by your post, Joshi.
was just going through a bit of your blog - gotta say its full of complaints! from the sound of this blog though, you're probably more boring than your husband!
Laks: Thanks !! What can i say, I feel humbled (ahem ahem)
Anon: Hey, these are my rumblings and rantings. And who said this is a page for equal rights. Its my way of expressing my thoughts.
Ohhh !! As someone has said "Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight."
ha ha, this is really interesting post, especially the explanation by the hubby :-) about the "beauty depreciation" it is really funny
I'm unmarried, and in a way I fear arranged marriages! And if I choose to love and marry, I do have many confusions in that also.
Me not a banker, but surely don't have any clue where I will reach in my career. :-) Seems like, it's better not to marry! Actually, I really don't understand why someone should make a career blueprint in life. Career is just a way to earn for a living, no? And for me, it's living that is important.
"He was not even distantly romantic and gave explanations that were beyond my logic." - :-) It happens... Me too didn't get that logic you mentioned here.
So, what you think is a solution? Ur hubby too may be feeling something like this. Do he read your blog? Whether he know about ur blog? So as the last para says, you found the right guy and ur in love with him? Is he yet another man, not happy with his wife?
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Haree: did I mention anywhere that arranged marriages are bad? I merely am saying that we all walk into it unsuspecting and realize our way through. Most of us make it through comfortably and I am one of them.
I am still married to the same man and still finding humour in our lives
and gave explanations that were beyond my logic.
Its easier breaking a wall with your head than trying to instill logic in a woman- a Greek philosopher
Now you'd understand, errr, or do you?? :)
Nicely written btw.
Gulp! Did I said that in my comment? :-O
I think I read the last para wrongly. But still, I'm not able to read it correctly!
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yes you might be right here...........i don't know whether i understand your post fully since i am a bachelor........so i guess we should keep our expectations to some cold storage and try to adapt with the life that happens......... since i have seen different successful couples with arranged marriages and many with ruined love marriages, i guess i cannot favour one group........
by the way,the humour you induced at the cost of ur husband was interesting
you are awesome !!! Please keep writing :)
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